Performers can be schizophrenic: they want to feel good about what they do yet want the audience to appreciate their work as well. Most craved approbation when they were attracted to performing, and it does not always leave. They want their fellow performers to be comfortable, the give and take to be easy and productive. At best, they feel equal partners, each adding their skills to create art they are proud to present. At worst, they can feel like a perpetual host, caring for the feelings of others, becoming leery of confrontation and failing to comfortably negotiate differences of opinion. (Of course, there are some people who only care what they think about themselves, screw anyone who does not agree with their success. I’ve been stuck with some of these. They are usually horrible to work with, especially if you are the kind of person who wants to please and be pleased. They think only of themselves, rarely consider another’s point of view, are myopic and blunt. They do not know the true meaning of ‘collaborate.’ They can be quite good at what they do and become popular with audiences. I still don’t want to work with them. I have rarely experienced great ‘art’ with such people. Most things require more than one person. The only one of universal practice I can think of should be confined to the privacy of your own home.)
Sometimes this Janus face spills over into their offstage lives as well. They want to please, make the others in the group comfortable or laughing, ease tensions, so they begin to ‘perform’; to these people, parties, nights out, performances by others, etc. can be extremely good times…or extremely bad. Not all personalities mesh, so ‘pleasers’ can come across as too vehement, self-centered, ignorant, or just plain bizarre. When a sense of humor is shared, all will usually go swimmingly. When it is not, time can crawl—through emotional cut glass. Or if the two or three conversationalists are not on the same page, the effect will not always equal happy days. And sometimes the person next to them is a non-performing egotist. Some people, no matter what line of work, are just shitheads. Who hasn’t been stuck at a table with them? With time and experience, the performer might minimize the distress this might cause, chock it up to being infallible. Alas, I have never learned to STOP trying to please which leads me to…
I met some new people at an event recently and to prove how interested I was in what was being said, I engaged in banter, asked stories about their lives, told (probably too many) stories about my own, but egregiously misunderstood one of the stories being told to me. What I thought was a ludicrous tall tale told as exaggerated black humor ended up being an almost unbelievably bizarre truth. Naturally my ‘dark’ puns came across as a terribly insensitive view of a poor woman’s horrific plight. I tried to tell humorous, touching stories to ease out of it, but I began to overcompensate because the harm was done. I am sure my point of view was not understood. I felt sick about it. The teller never said an unkind word, but that was not necessary: I said plenty to myself. But really, I meant no harm. Sometimes things just don't work out like you think they will. Why bring it up?
Performances, like new meetings, are tricky things. An audience may be able to follow you to anywhere you take them, enjoy the ride, and everyone comes out happy, mentally and /or emotionally stimulated. Or some of the audience can follow you and love your work, and some not so much. Or a couple of people can enjoy what they are seeing and hearing while the vast majority does not. Or no one likes it. Sometimes this happens because the performers are having an off day. Even the greatest performers on Earth are not always great. Sometimes the wrong audience shows up for the type of art you are giving them, so no, or mis-, communication occurs. And sometimes you just get a roomful of shitheads. An unappreciated performance can be a living hell. Let me emphasize that: living hell! Performers (and party guests) are human, no matter the skill or intention Even if what they are presenting is not to your liking—or they screw up royally—try keeping this is mind. The ‘pleasers’ are already doing that. If you are not one, perhaps you might attempt seeing things from their point of view occasionally. It might be refreshing. Sometimes, great things come from it. Like art. And if you are simply incapable of empathy or just cannot refrain from judging the person next to you, or in front of you, as inferior to yourself—stay home and watch Doctor Who.
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